New Year’s Resolutions: The Truth About Goal Setting (and why “starting over” isn’t the answer)

Happy New Year. Now let’s talk about the part nobody wants to admit out loud.

Most New Year’s resolutions are not really goals. They are a burst of pressure dressed up as motivation.

They often sound like this

I should be better

I need to fix myself.

I am starting over on Monday.

This time I will do it perfectly.

And then real life shows up. Work. Stress. Family. A bad sleep week. A rough mood day. A busy season.

And suddenly you are back at zero, feeling guilty, and wondering what is wrong with you.

Nothing is wrong with you. The plan was just built for a fantasy version of your life.

The problem is not your discipline

The problem is the goal design

Most goals fail because they are

Too big

Too vague

Too fast

Too focused on restriction

If the plan only works when you have perfect energy, perfect time, and perfect mental space,

it is not sustainable. It is a short motivational sprint. That is why people keep “starting again”

every few weeks.

Sustainable growth looks different. It looks boring at first. It looks like choosing a small thing

and repeating it long enough that it starts to feel normal. Habit research supports this idea.

In a real world habit formation study, it took people weeks to months for a behaviour to become

more automatic, and there was a wide range in how long it took across individuals.

The takeaway is simple. Consistency over time matters more than intensity at the start.

Try setting values first, then goals

\Instead of asking what you want to stop doing, ask what you want to add

A lot of resolutions sound like punishment

Less sugar

Less scrolling

Less spending

Less laziness

Less everything

But restriction alone does not tell your brain what to do when you are stressed, tired, lonely, or overwhelmed.

And most “bad habits” are not random. They are doing a job for you.

They are helping you cope, soothe, distract, numb, or get through the day.

So try this question instead. What do I want more of in my life this year

Examples

More energy

More steadiness

More movement

More calm

More connection

More confidence

More joy

More rest

When the goal is about value, it feels like building, not depriving.

If you want to restrict something, replace it

Do not just remove. Swap.

Try not to say

I am doing less of this

Try saying

I am replacing this with that

Because your brain understands replacement. It gives your nervous system a new option.

Examples

I want to scroll less at night Becomes When I reach for my phone, I will do ten minutes of something

that actually settles me first

I want to eat less takeout Becomes I am building a short list of easy default meals for tired days

I want to move more this year Becomes I am choosing a tiny movement habit that I can repeat

even on low energy days

Let’s talk about the classic goal

I want to move more this year

Love that goal. Now let’s make it real.

First, make it specific:

What kind of movement

How many days

When will it happen

What is the smallest version you can still do on a hard day

Here is a simple structure

Your big goal: Move more this year

Your weekly plan" Move three days a week for ten minutes

Your hard day minimum: Five minutes counts

This matters because “minimum goals” protect you from the all or nothing trap.

If you can still succeed on a hard day, you stay in the habit. You do not fall into the shame spiral.

Use simple planning that removes decision fatigue. A practical approach is to decide your “when”

in advance. Research on planning methods that link a situation to an action shows that these kinds of plans

help people follow through because they reduce the need to decide in the moment.

So instead of relying on motivation, try a plan like:

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 6 pm, I move for ten minutes

And then you choose your movement menu

Walk outside

Stretch in your room

Two songs of dancing

A short YouTube mobility routine

A quick bodyweight circuit

You are not chasing a perfect workout. You are building a repeatable rhythm.

Build goals that support your autonomy

Not goals that bully you

Goals stick better when they feel chosen, meaningful, and aligned with who you are, rather than

forced by pressure or shame. This lines up with research applying self determination theory to

health behaviour, which highlights the importance of autonomy and supportive environments

for sustained change.

So if your goal sounds like a threat, rewrite it.

Instead of I have to change everything

Try I am building one small habit that supports the life I want

Expect setbacks and plan for the return

Not the restart

A sustainable goal includes a re entry plan. Not a punishment plan.

Try this:

If I miss a week, I return with the minimum version for three sessions

That is it. No guilt debt. No doubling up. No dramatic reset.

And please hear this clearly. Being kind to yourself is not the same as letting yourself off the hook

Self compassion research shows it is a real psychological skill associated with healthier

ways of responding to difficulty.

Your New Year’s goal does not need to be loud

It needs to be livable

If you take one thing from this, let it be this

Pick a goal that adds value

Make it small enough to repeat

Build a plan that survives real life

Return gently when you drift

Slowly but surely is not a cute phrase. It is the strategy.